The Victory
By Josue Goguen 

Sometimes, when you want to win, you got to go for it. No fear, no regrets. This is a story about a contest. The prize: a one hundred dollar bar tab. The rules: Use a banana to get the loudest cheer from the crowd.

It was a new year's eve in a dingy rock and roll bar, I was in my early twenties. The evening had a host that had asked asked for three volunteers to go up on stage for a contest. While people raised their hands and he picked out of the crowd, I simply hopped on stage and told him I was ready. He decided to let me participate. It was me against two other dudes. He gave us each a banana and said whoever could get the most cheers would win a one hundred dollar bar tab.

First up, contestant number one took his banana and held it where his wiener is situated. Pretending it was his penis, he waved it at the crowd. While an obvious move, he got a fair amount of cheer going. Up next, contestant number two went a different direction. He casually peeled his banana and then went on to eat it. Classy, unexpected, and clever in it's own rights, he got cheered on very little. This crowd wanted to be entertained, they wanted to be shocked and I was aware of this.

Now it was my turn. I had no idea what I was about to do but I was far from nervous. At that moment, I was a winner. I was unstoppable. I took my banana and placed it as deep in my mouth as I could. After performing a demonstration fellatio, I peeled the banana using my mouth. As the crowd cheered on, I made it clear I was not quite done by loosening my belt. I pulled down my pants. Ever so slightly but still enough for my ass to be bare. I bent over, and then proceeded to shove the banana up my butthole. Of course, since this was a peeled banana, there was no penetration, but it did leave smudged banana all over my ass. I then pulled my pants and took much pride in the amount of applause I had managed to build up.

I won the bar tab which was then gone by the end of the night. At that moment, victory had never been so sweet. The next morning, however, victory had never felt so harmful to my body. I woke up, still drunk, and ran to the bathroom. My bowels had never been so aggressive to get something out of my body. I sat on the toilet and tried to piece the previous night together. I was making very little progress at putting the pieces together when I looked down. I saw my underwear down to my ankles, filled with a dried up brown substance. “I'm never drinking again”, I told myself, “I can't believe I shat my pants”. This was a very low point for me. I was embarrassed and never wanted to see anyone ever again. I hopped in the shower to clean up when it hit me. Banana. That's not shit, it's banana. My sense of shame then turned, once again, to a sense of glory. “I'm a winner”, I thought to myself.

Never be afraid to be a winner.